Week four in review, difficulties and new ambition

I haven't posted here in a while I know. I think I had a brief desire to abandon this blog, which is something I often do when things aren't working out. I have another blog on this account that suffered that fate, but will soon be revived for a different purpose. When it comes to weight loss, I have often quit, often wanted that feeling that comes with starting over. The excitement of a new plan, however is not what I should want. I should want what comes after that. And so although it's mentally unappealing, I can't abandon this blog, and instead of always trying to post something positive, I have to admit to my failures.


In week four I wasn't dieting or exercising, in fact I would say I had no plan at all for my weightloss. I gained back the weight I've already lost and then some, bringing my weight to an even 150 lbs. I wasn't writing down what I ate, and I've stopped going to the pool on a regular basis. But yesterday, something woke up. Joe and I had a mild argument about me being messy. He was being somewhat unreasonable, and the stress of his new schedule was coming out, but underlying the exhausted complaints there was truth. I was slipping, and he woke me up. I can't quit like I have before.


So in week five, which is what I'm in the middle of now, my plan is still here but a little modified. I have to figure out what will work for me and I'm very close to having that. I'm only making one change this week, which is a change in the way I track my food. In the past I have counted calories, but since I'm very aware of how few calories are in certain unhealthy foods (certain sodas, cookies and salty snacks) I've been eating an appropriate amount of useless calories. So instead of writing down numbers, I want to track my food with the intention of only eating things I know are nutritious and good for me. Instead of thinking I'm not losing weight because I ate 200 more calories yesterday, for example, I want to instead say that I ate an item that I know is unhealthy, and I can replace that with something healthy. I want a vegetable, fruit and fish heavy diet, and I get discouraged from cooking meals and making complex things because they're difficult to track in calories.

I need to start swimming more. I've started to become slightly embarrassed because I'm getting better, and therefore trying harder in the pool, and sometimes I choke up some water or breathe very heavy when working on my freestyle stroke. I can't quit just because I look silly. I have to stick with this. I also want to incorporate weights and upper body gym cardio into my plan, since I've abandoned those and there's no reason not to get back into them.


I'll post back here, hopefully on a daily basis with updates, and hopefully this is a second wind to my regimen.